Me, Myself and i*n-to-ur-net…

Oh dear
sweet September
let’s all protect
OUR TINDER.
No self respect
tomorrow
when I remember!
Maybe he won’t Instagram
that gram
we had
so sad
when  to distract
you act out
and reach out for those quick fixes
like a baby
a tit for a tat
a rat-attacked a cat and dog
got bit so it bit back.
ARE YOU SURPRISED?

 

We live in a day and age where we are able to share news, opinions, information and mis-information and world events all at lightning fast speeds.  In this era of screens and digitally simulated worlds, of email and video games, of Youtubes and Facebooks,and twittering Twitter accounts and tumbling Tumblr’s and word pressing WORD PRESSERS…and….

…we are are inundated with … stuff.

Lots and lots of ….

Stuff.

Stuff INCLUDING and NOT LIMITED TO…predatory ads and viruses, images and propaganda, FEAR, news pdf’s, mp3’s, JPG, GIF, OH EM GEE!!! There’s an E-MO-JI for JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING!  Even our food has been touched by man and SANTOED.  We are KILLING the very home we were given.  That sounds like a bad idea.  It sounds to me, like it’s time we start to turn things around.  Life has been a royal cruel crazy painful carving and molding process…BUT humanity is a BEAUTIFUL THING and I BELIEVE IN US.  Not UN.  You and I.  (You IN.  You EN?  Ewe N.  United Nations.  Will eat you for dinner.  I don’t know what’s happening up there at the tippity top but it scares me a lot.)   Who are you and I?  I know who I am…if you don’t know who you are perhaps you need to really start digging, because NOW IS THE TIME TO LIVE IN TODAY.  Tomorrow is an assault on our senses.

-When I say, “Wow, we all need to be really careful what we ALLOW IN.” … I’m speaking to myself as much as to anyone.  Maybe I am only speaking to myself?  I don’t mean to point the finger.  I HAVE COME TO LEARN THAT I NEED TO BE CAREFUL WITH THIS FINGER AND WHERE I POINT IT,  I have NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ANYONE EVER EVER EVER.  I want to sometimes but the truth of it is quite simple:  I don’t get to cause I have no business doing so.  I get it.  The human experience is so filled with discomfort!  So… I will be careful where I point my pen,  JUST LIKE THE MILITARY NEEDS TO BE CAREFUL WHERE THEY POINT THEIR GUNS AND MEN NEED TO BE CAREFUL WHERE THEY POINT THEIR DICKS AND WOMEN SHOULD BE SELECTIVE WITH WHO THEY LET SEE THEIR TITS.  LET’S ALL ‘NOT BE PRICKS.’  (HAHA-I like to rhyme).

A lot of the time, when I say something? I notice that I PROJECT….I do point that finger that points back at me…you see..If I were to give you a visual, just imagine yourself standing in front of the mirror…you are pointing straight ahead but all you see is someone pointing right back at YOU!

Indeed, to L.I.V.E. and look back on it is LITERALLY TO SEE and bare witness to the ‘word’ ‘evil’….words and language are so strange.  We are all capable of things we think we aren’t… I pray you never have to face a situation that would bring out such moral ultimatums for you, and if you messed up, YOU ARE NOT BAD YOU ARE HUMAN…perhaps one in the same but one has a shining redeeming quality and soul and one does not.  It is that we make mistakes.  NOT THAT WE ARE THE MISTAKE.

…I hope the second half of my life is CONUNDRUM-FREE!  Goodness this whirlwind was a blender.  I THOUGHT THE WORLD WAS SPINNING AND I WAS STANDING STILL, BUT TRUST YOU-ME!  IT MAKES MUCH MORE SENSE THAT THE WORLD HAS NOT BEEN SPINNING AND THE DIZZY IS JUST ME TRYING TO SHAKE FREE OF THE MIND BENDING CATASTROPHE’S THAT HAVE HAILED DOWN ON OUR LIVES LIKE A MASSIVE SHIT-STORM.  Because thus far, to have l.i.v.e.d. is to see in the devil in the mirror.  Retrospect can be sobering.

…I love words…they are…what was there in the beginning (According to the Bible)…before anything else…to my understanding.  The first lie I was taught was: “Sticks and stone’s will break my bones but words will never hurt me.” 

IN THE BEGINNING WAS THE WORD.  AND THE WORD WAS WITH GOD.  AND THE WORD WAS GOD.  That’s what my Bible said.  Maybe that’s why I was taught that nursery rhyme?  See – that makes sense to me.

Words?  “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”  Like a nursery rhyme, meant to be chanted and remembered and tattooed and imprinted…and it’s a lie…Sticks and stones may break my bones, but bones can mend and heal.  Words are like a knife that can slices and dice so precise that nobody can even see the incision and the bleed out is slow and painful…

I read a facebook post just the other day from my friend Jen (Who did this with me way back in the day because she’s awesome.  Her post explained how she wakes up the same way every day, rather contented and happy, and then she goes to her computer and checks her FB page and her entire day becomes rather overcast…all those heart strings are getting tugged on and manipulated and pulled. In many ways we are all being traumatized daily by the images being fed us through advertisements and DESENSITIZED to it… I want to talk more on this word, desensitized.

To not view some things is not choosing ignorance, sometimes it is necessary to look away.  Lord knows I have wanted to so many times over in my life I cannot recount.  I have a montage of violence that can play in my head at times, PTSD has been mean to me.  -My dreams have always been vivid.  I have FELT PAIN in my nightmares.  I have been tortured and scared and afraid.  Nightmares SUCK.  I HAVE SOME IMAGES AND SCENES IN MY HEAD I CANNOT UNSEE.  And it reminds me of my nightmares.  I used to dream that I was stuck in a corner or sometimes in a closet, always having to find a nook or cranny to hide, maybe under a bed… and outside my safe cubby hole, or closet depending on which nightmare I was trapped in… I would curl into the fetal position and try to cover my eyes and ears but I couldn’t.  I could still hear.  And I could see through my hands and I could see through the wood of the door and I could not close my eyes….I was forced to watch ‘it’ happen…whatever bloody violent scene was tormenting my poor lil noggin…

Some things, some images, some atrocities?  To know of them is …. there are some things it is acceptable to protect yourself or your children from…IT isn’t weakness or laziness.  And in other things it turns out my imagination is so much worse than what I feared.  That being said, knowledge is power, and ignorance is not bliss when it comes with consequence.

I used to get irritated with people and say they were being ‘ignorant’ or ‘dumb’ or ‘stupid’ for refusing to take their lid off their box, but I have also been a pretentious jerk in my time too, sorry guys  (I was raised by pretentious jerks-that-I-love!) …also I was made fun of for taking the lid off my box which makes me defensive and feisty  🙂  …Please forgive me!!  DOUCHE BAG CARD PULLED … MAYBE THE WORLD NEEDS TO PULL OUT ITS DOUCHE BAG CARD AND ALL OUR DOUCHE BAG CARDS WILL CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT? 

This life can be overwhelming…and has been, in my case, for these last many years, …it is finally starting to smooth itself out…it’s been a lot a lot a lot of a lot.  Yup.

I’m overwhelmed.

What is happening right now on this LOVELY FLAT EARTH, this opened book, this beautiful page…I see a picture in my mind I wish I could illustrate.  I hate that I write.  I wish that I could draw.  But letters can be like clay and pens like paintbrushes ….I’m not sure what’s next but I’m glad I’m here to narrate.

*Random interesting fact:  The computing was created by a man named Charles Babbage (26 December 1791 – 18 October 1871).  –  ‘Babbage’ is oddly reminiscent of the word ‘babble’ to me… 😉  Interesting, this story our names tell…

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3 thoughts on “Me, Myself and i*n-to-ur-net…

Add yours

  1. I love how you describe the “Sticks and Stones” lie. I’ve always hated that rhyme. As a kid, I’d see adults throw complete fits over things others have said, but then they will turn around and relay that rhyme to a kid. Perhaps, they hope we could be brainwashed into not being them? Perhaps, we all know that we just want it to be true, and saying so gets us one step closer.

    You always sound like a Buddhist when you write. Of course, you sound like a swearing, rough around the edges, tattooed Buddhist, but those are the best kind.

    Like

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