My Fight Against Suicidal

I’m suicide,
I’m an option.
I’m the back door you think of often.
You want a way out
and I’ve got one.
I’m a relief from the hurt
and the sorrow.
What pains you
 today
won’t pain you tomorrow.
People will forget
and life will go on
It won’t be long
and the memory of you will be gone.
You’re a waste of time anyways
A waste of space
Walking around in a daze
Depression filled haze
Making promises you’ll never keep
A let down
A failure
A cheat.
Everyone will understand.
So stop thinking about it and take my hand.
Close your eyes and make the jump
…
Slice the vein,
feel faint
While you tie that noose up.
Things get dim
And darkness comes in
I’ll be with you my friend,
by your side to the end.
So shed your last tear
you have nothing to fear.
The pain only lasts a second.
Do it.
I dare you.
You won’t regret it.

Depression is one of my life’s biggest nemesis.

Depression is being a runner that gets no feel good endorphins. Why would they keep running? Depression is the sun shining on my face but not being able to feel the warmth of it. Depression is the music pounding through the speakers, but I can’t feel the beat. Depression and anxiety have tormented me. They have made functioning difficult. I have missed work and school, left from trips early, missed opportunities and been left to feel an incompetent human being because of them.

But I am stronger than I knew.  I can run in silence but be driven by the music given by the beating of my HEART even if nobody else can hear it.

Keep fighting.  I KNOW I am not in this alone.  Listen to your heart.  It speaks even in a world that is deaf and mute.

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