18. Emotional Abuse

False Flag

Silence IS violent
and rage is loud,
but sometimes fists hit sand without
making a sound.
Figure it out.
Fake friends
are dead ends that see
ewe and you and me
as a dividend
not an investment.
And real friends,
hope fake friends,
get their shit together in the end.
Real friends may be
passive aggressive,

1982…Dad (Norman Nielsen) after a long cold day outside, drilling water wells for Crabtree Welldrilling.

My dad would give my brother, mother and I silent treatments when I was young.  The “silent treatment” is probably the quickest way to induce temporary insanity from me.  I loathe feeling like I lost my existence, but that’s what it was like, back when I was just a little ghost trying to make right whatever I had fallen short on,  my father REFUSING TO SEE ME.  His silence wouldn’t last longer than a week, but a week felt like an eternity.

He was only responding to stressors in the way he was taught… if life were a game of telephone, when he was met by his own father’s silence it would prolong itself for months at a timeCycles like snowballs roll down hill.  I’m grateful I did not experience silent treatments like those my dad had to survive UNTIL ADULTHOOD.

I AM NO SAINT.  I was born into gray area…when cornered or weakened by abuse that I battled with anger… like a toxin, like poison…  I lashed out like I did not know I was capable, I became just as emotionally abusive to people I care about as I had been experiencing.

– I HOPE THEY FORGIVE ME.  But I forgive me, by actively spotlighting the weed, it’s origins, and preventing REPETITION.

My father and I still struggle to communicate…but now that I’m 38 and he’s 69?  We can talk even without opening our mouths.  We can’t give a silent treatment to one another if we wanted, it’s rather pointless-our facial expressions, sighs, and frustrated body language speak more than our words ever could… (wouldn’t have it any other way.) There has not been a single time, not once that I have not called out to my father and cried “HELP!” that he was not there within hours – be it car problems or work problems or a rainy day I cried not to be alone…

I love my father.

Please watch this video by Kati Morton, who does an excellent job of categorizing and explaining emotional abuse:


Leave a Reply


Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: