Daddy Issues

I love with my mind,
with my body,
and with my soul.
My sex is my soul,
something I dare 
to share
with someone else.
Whether they use it
or abuse it
or love it
and rise about it
is something else.
I thought love was real
-
Not just a fairy tale fed to appeal
to the young
-
to force feed American dreams
and unrealistic ideals.
I grew up hearing
“be a good girl, protect your sex
your soul.
Never let it go”
boys will be boys
and girls are their toys
.
They can’t control themselves
If something bad happened
you brought it on yourself.


I looked to my father to understand
just how is it a woman
should be treated by a man?
And that is when I abandoned it
everything I saw made me sick.
I gave up on love,
I became bitter.
I was a love quitter.
Nothing more than the convenience of my sex
Unavailable and they’d be on to the next.
Life was better back when I was blinded
that ignorance not quite bliss
because then I was blind sided by truths
like a deceptive kiss.
Once the concept of monogamy
meant something to me,
but needs supersede the myth of love
Love is fair-weather
and together we are a unit that is fallible
and our faithfulness is malleable.
It is what it is
-
a business and a game
and as we begin to stray
names are irrelevant as long as we overlook our shame
I thought it was my mind and my heart
but it would end up being my sex from the start-
and dead inside
to find it was a fairy tale lie…
I can fight this battle
and protect my heart.
If this is all it is I can turn my sex into an art.
So now my mind and my body are tools
and like a fool
I stopped respecting myself
or my sex.
I removed my mind from the equation
because for this participation
I needed to be numb,
and then I relied on just my body
and the boys thought I was fun.
Sex became a sport-
I made light of something important.
Lost self worth
along the way.
Lost self respect
when I slept
with that guy for a place to stay.
Self esteem?
I feel I became nonredeemable,
nasty, dirty little whore.
My auto pilot used to be a maid
but she turned into a porn star.
And now I feel bad
that when I get sad and mad
I wanna call my dad
and say
Hey! I’m not different than the girls you bought.
Thanks a lot
for showing me my worth
-
I know what my body is good for.
I have a father who loves his little whores.
He’d probably be proud of me
,
I can take one for the team,.
Good little girl,
I give my shit out for free.

Daddy issues for sure,
grab your tissues
these boys faces are a blur
reflexively self destructive is no cure.
No matter how many you lure
,
let me reassure you
you’re insecure will leave you vulnerable
and you’re heart will not be worth a second thought
.
Like my dad treats his girls
…
My body is only good enough to be bought.

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