24. Chapters

(I feel like I’m listening to this song for the first time – the lyrics…are….amazing.   I am grateful someone shared this song with me, so now I’m returning the favor and sharing it with YOU.) 

I’ve divided my life into chapters because it has helped me understand the unravelings and unfoldings of things.  Chapter one was all things Eglon, and growing up…I sailed into adulthood on an adventure with the M/V Anastasis in chapter two…and then in Chapter three…I barely survived a whirlwind.

I am hauntedUnderstanding the timeline gave me the much needed permission to validate my own journey, forgive myself for the many face-plants along the way, and the self-esteem to forgive myself and tell myself that “I am worth fighting for.”  It can be downright paralyzing to piece together your puzzles…but as Jessica once said:

“I do not regret anything in my life, even those bad moments and stupid decisions, because if it were not for the mistakes I’ve made or lessons or the lessons that have been attached to them, I would not be who I am today, and I like who I am today.”

I always felt like I needed to wrap my past into a book so that I could close the cover on it…Only I was never sure how to tell it for fear it would hurt people I loved.  I may not be able to close the cover on my story yet, but I do know that I’m now turning the page to Chapter Four…perhaps I’ll call it Gardening.  I feel as if we are all characters written into someone Else’s script, just waiting to wake up in the present and realize that we can pick up the pen and take control of the narrative.

Chapter Four is called Gardening because this last December I went back to Eglon, where the garden that is Emma was planted, I faced my giants, …I UPROOTED MYSELF, and realized I’m now my own gardener-I’ve been doing a lot of uprooting of weeds and evaluating seeds and figuring out who and what and how I am going to go forward … This is the beginning of the second half of my life…I imagine I’ll live to 76…which means I want to learn to live today so that I am contributing to a better tomorrow.  I am finding peace…life is a process – you know – you’re on the front lines with me. 

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