Fear

Fear was….

Screaming.  At the top of my lungs, with everything I was, while his body and weight pinned my body up against the Fulton’s Crossing basement of an apartment, in Everett, Washington.   Fear was, asking for help, begging through tears at the top of my lungs….but hearing the white of the apartment walls, and the dark of the city simply swallow my screams and have them be unheard….

Unheard.

I had lunged toward the phone as I saw his flip switch, when he stopped speaking to me, and started speaking with himself.  I lunged at the phone hoping to dial 9-11, a Bush now….this was my husband, my team mate, the one who I wanted to grow old with, I had thought.   He beat me to the phone and then turned and threw it ruthelessly against the living room wall…somewhere around the fireplace, because, now the phone was gone, I was busy wantint to run…but there was NO..wh…

And when he pinned me against the wall, my knees were quaking.  My thighs, shivering, out of fear, like I was about to lose my bladder.  He sacared me.  And I listened as he spoke, and then I screamed so loud, at the top of my lungs…..so loud….my apartment, my name, please help….helppp I’m in danger, please help…..

and nothing….

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